Oil Miser Hunting

Ingredients: Raspberries, apple, strawberry, orange, blackberry

Mr. Heat Miser decides to beat the crap out of his brother Mr. Oil Miser when he hears the news that the independent scientists trying to research the oil spill effects are being threatened, arrested, having their funding yanked and other such things intrinsic to our "democracy."

Five Years

Today's Breakfast: Today I want to remember the good things that happened after the storm. Remember all the sunflowers that grew out of debris, the joy we all felt at being alive, the constant acts of kindness and love. Sometimes it seems we've forgotten or lost the strange happiness that came over little things then. So here's to rainbows, sunflowers and appreciating every small thing and every person you love.

Bitching Elvis Gets All the Love

Ingredients: Toast, Grits, Bacon, Blackberry, Strawberry, Donut

 

 

Today's Breakfast: God has a strange sense of humor. After Katrina, there were several "cities" made of tents where some of the homeless could live. One day, I searched for the tent city in Pass Christian to deliver supplies sent to me from some awesome ladies in Illinois. I stopped at a supply tent to ask for directions. Only in Mississippi, after a major disaster, would you find what I did that muggy day, Elvis bitching about FEMA. Elvis, with unkempt sideburns, passing out water and degrading FEMA with every cuss word known to man. As surreal as the whole Katrina experience was, this one took the cake. So here's to you, Bitching Elvis.

Today's Breakfast: Here's to you Muffin Man. When you saw that the government still hadn't responded to us in Mississippi with any relief at all, you jumped in your RV, drove it to the grocery store, filled it up with muffins, coffee, juice, water and other goodies, then drove hours and hours from Florida to the parking lot of what had been the grocery store in Long Beach, MS.


After standing on the blistering pavement for the seond day in a row, I saw you. Your table was like something out of a fairytale. I thought you would snatch me and cook me in an oven, but no, you gave me muffins and coffee. You told me you were staying until you ran out of food. God bless you that is exactly what you did.

I will never forget you muffin man and all of the beautiful people just like him who immediately took action to help us.

Note: My pet peeve of the day, every year I should say, is that we were already dead and dying here on the Mississippi Coast when the levees broke AFTER the storm.
Where were you U.S. Government? Why didn't you come?

Five Years of Screams

Ingredients: Orange, Apple

Today's Breakfast: I'm afraid right now. What could cause terror this early in the morning? The fact that I don't have any lifejackets or an axe in my attic. Five years later, I am freaking out about what is now obvious to most residents of coastal Mississippi. I look at life jackets online, in the store, pricing out which ones are the cheapest yet most reliable. What size should I get for my children? Where should I keep the axe? In the shed, to be moved into the attic when a storm approaches or just go ahead and put it in the attic?
Some things never fade, never, like the screams of people trapped with their children in their attic. People who scream for help and no one comes. Little old ladies who tried to climb up to the attic, then tried to swim up there but they were too weak to make it. Neighborhoods where everyone knew each other for decades ended in horrendous screams.

So this is for you, the son who stayed with his wheelchair bound father and they both drowned, the mother on the rooftop with her two children and  four nephews and nieces who fell and died in the water in front of them, the twenty year old who broke his hand clawing through the roof, and all the others. How could we ever forget you?

Then There Were No Flowers

So, I'm not Thai or anything vaguely Asian so be gentle with my fruit carving as I have only just started, like this morning. Since this is the week of the five year anniversary of Katrina, I'm going to go a little off on my normal theme.

 After the storm, the world here was basically one grimy gray-brown color. All the flowers were killed. One of the things I missed in those first weeks, besides food, water, air conditioning, phone service, and air that didn't reek of death, was all the color. However, mobs of dragonflies descended, flickering everywhere across the debris. If you've ever seen that movie "Dragonfly" you will understand how interesting this was to me.

Today's breakfast is in rememberance of the flowers I missed and the dragonflies who came to comfort me.

I Have No Idea What's Going On

Ingredients: French Toast, Strawberries, cashew, macademia nut,
Brazil nut, white frosting

Today's Breakfast: After pressure tests on BP's damaged Macondo well were deemed successful early this morning, the company sent a top executive to find a mystery piece of pipe that is believed to be stuck in the blowout preventer in hopes of removing it

Meanwhile, Orange Beach, Alabama  resident Margaret Long took her own samples of a strange substance in the water near her home and sent it to a chemist. The result? Corexit.

B.P. Egg Head

Ingredients: Eggs, Mustard, Pepper, Paprika

Today's Breakfast: Creature from the Black Lagoon hangs out with B.P. top scientist Mr. Hyde after he is done sucking the life blood out of what remained of our economy.

This morning all of our shores along the Gulf Coast are covered in tar balls and stringy white stuff that most believe is Corexit. Don't believe anyone that tells you any different. We are sick of the lies.

Naked Vampires

Ingredients: Your standard chocolate pancake, white frosting

Today's Breakfast: Owner of Pensacola's Bullfeather's Bar and Grill, Will Eberlin, got TWO rubber checks from B.P. part of his $240,000 loss to business. Instead of offering yet another bogus check that he has to pay the bank fee on, B.P. takes a new tactic of offering him the chance to pose naked on the cover of Rolling Stone with Count Chocola.

Sorry B.P. Why don't you try actually paying people what you owe them? In Mississippi,only 363 of the 1,062 claims pending from rental property owners,  have been paid Only 53 of 213 claims from restaurant owners had been paid. Of 695 boat claims, only 30 payments have been made.

“BP is claiming they haven’t yet denied a claim, when the truth is they’ve only closed a couple of dozen cases,” Attorney Jim Hood said. “They’re skewing the statistics in their favor.

On The Same Plate

Ingredients: Cinnamon rolls, chocolate syrup.

While a group of local commercial fishermen demand the resignation of DMR bozo, Bill Walker, citing reports from Georgia scientists that as much as 80% of the oil is still there, underwater, Haley Barbour gets yelled at at the Gulf of Mexico commission for his bogus association of which not one fisherman or conservation group is a part of. His response? Maybe he can add one fisherman to balance out the entire rest of the group.

Ingredients: egg, chocolate muffin, pancake

Slytherin alumni and B.P's. newest C.E.O., Robert Dudley, fights Harry Potter for the last horcrux containing the remainder of our government's integrity.

Death of a Sea Monkey

Ingredients: Strawberries, banana, pancake, blueberry, vanilla sugarcubes

Today's Breakfast: While Obama is busy splashing around in waters nowhere even close to the oil spill, young Sea Monkeys are dying every day.

AK47s, Alabama and Mermaids

Ingredients: Peach, pancake, chocolate chips, chocolate syrup, 

sprinkles

Today's Breakfast: Pissed off Alabama mermaids attack the Yellow Submarine after mistaking it for a B.P. operative. John Lennon saves the sub with peace negotiations while the State of Alabama continues the offensive by suing B.P. for being a bunch of liars.

Love Floats

Ingredients: Strawberry crepe, biscuit.

Today's Breakfast: B.P. workers discover a message in a bottle from England. This is for all of us sending our love to this family.
http://www.aolnews.com/world/article/message-in-a-bottle-found-by-gulf-oil-spill-workers/19587400?sms_ss=facebook

This Just In!

Ingredients: Strawberries, pancake, chocolate syrup, strawberry yogurt

Today's Breakfast: What is more newsworthy than Sarah Palin rolling her eyes while arguing with Lumpy Space Princess about whether oil evaporates? IDK maybe the fact that oil is STILL rolling up on our beaches and yesterday B.P.ordered US to stop work cleaning up?

Action Against Advertising

Ingredients: Scrambled egg, bacon, blueberries, yogurt, strawberries, muffin. coconut

Today's Breakfast: Sponge Bob leads an angry mob to repeatedly vomit on Bill Walker, head of Mississippi's Department of Marine Resources, after he has been tarred and feathered. Advertise THAT Mr. Walker and give the people of the Coast a clean beach, LIVE animals, clean water and the ability to make a living doing what they have done for generations. Why did you sign a contract with B.P. that let THEM tell YOU when to stop work? You want people to call you if they see any oil? Well here's your number 228-374-5010, your email bill.walker@dmr.state.ms.us, and your address Mississippi Department of Marine Resources
1141 Bayview Avenue, Suite 101
Biloxi, MS 39530
USA
So if you don't want the money B.P. gave our state going to advertising how clean our seafood is, DO SOMETHING!@@

Today's Breakfast: "“Once it gets to this stage, it’s not poisonous,” Barbour said. “But if a
small animal got coated enough with it, it could smother it. But if you
got enough toothpaste on you, you couldn’t breathe."

Mr. T and a Bigfoot fall in love while testing out Haley Barbour's theory on him.

Ingredients: French toast, banana, strawberries, whip cream, hashbrowns , chocolate syrup

Orange You Glad?

Today's Breakfast: National media mostly ignores the effects of the oil spill until it reaches the Jersey Shore. Then, Sleestacks appear and sacrifice Snooki's poof in order to realign the crystals and heal the Earth.

Ingredients: banana, blueberries, plum, orange

Gators

Ingredients: Grits, Eggs

Today's Breakfast: This one goes out to all my peeps in Louisiana. All of us on the Gulf Coast have had more than our share. In 2004 Hurricane Ivan, along with several others, destroyed Pensacola. One year later, the Mississippi Coast and New Orleans were destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. Five years later as we finally start to feel hope, B.P. wreaks its havoc on us all. It's like having had Stage 4 cancer, having your leg cut off, in and out of comas and finally getting well enough to leave the hospital. Then, a drunk driver hits you head on on your way home from the hospital.
We know about gators, the danger that lurks in the water seeking its prey. We know about the government only giving lip service while we all die down here. We know about liars like B.P.

So for all ya'll out there, don't give up. Like a famous Southern lady once said, "Tomorrow is another day."

Run Luigi Run

 Today's Breakfast: While Charlie Brown sucks up to the Democrats, Luigi runs to save Yoshi from gobbling up crabs soaked to the gills in a black substance which couldn't possibly be oil that just washed up on Henderson Point. And every island. And almost every beach on the Mississippi Coast. That black sludge all the boaters see? Probably poop from the Creature from the Black Lagoon.Unbelievable lies. I'm still trying to figure out why people were evacuated from the oil spill in Michigan, now their homes are being bought, and we are left AGAIN to suffer whatever. Fiver years since Katrina and we are all still nothing to this government.

Ingredients: Egg, pear, blueberries, bacon

Behind the Green Curtain

Today's Breakfast: New B.P. spokesmen, Mum-Ra and Pinnochio, announce the well is dead, the oil is gone, the fish are safe to eat, the air is not toxic and we willl soon be receiving our money from B.P. Really. Mum-Ra would never lie. Go away media. There is nothing to see. Aren't you tired of this story yet? Lindsay Lohan just got out of jail!

Ingredients: apple, pear, blueberries, egg

Catch Them All

Today's Breakfast: Pikachu was happier when it was just tar balls on the beach instead of tar balls and thousands of dead, reeking fish.

Ingredients: banana, blueberries, yogurt

Sea Bed Intruder

Residents of the Mississippi Coast hire Antoine Dodson to get a real message to B.P.'s Bob Dudley and Doug Suttles and Thad Allen. His first message?
"Obviously there is an evnivironmental rapist out here. Ya'll need to hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husbands.
You don't have to come and confess. We lookin for you. We GON TO FIND YOU. So you can run and tell that homeboy."

Games For the Masses

Today's Breakfast: Mario leads Pac Man to the beach to gobble up the latest oil patties that no one in the government can seem to find. Try looking UNDER the water and UNDER the sand.

Ingredients: orange, grits, strawberries, blueberries, bacon, cheese, pancake

Special request by Isabella and breakfast ingredients furnished by Brian and Kim Picou! Thanks guys!

Today's Breakfast: Mississippi Gulf Coast residents are told that a three legged singing octopus and dancing crab are completely normal and safe for consumption.

Singing Beignets

Today's Breakfast: The ghosts of everything killed by the oil spill get together to sing a rousing rendition of "How Do You Sleep?"

Ingredients: beignets, chocolate chips

Thanks for the diversion

In order to divert media attention away from fishing families and other gulf residents facing financial ruin, B.P. presents Lindsey Lohan with a bouquet of roses and the B.P. (Best Prisoner) Award, made of a dead bird. Trust me, there is no oil on this bird so its death was completely natural.

Ingredients: banana, bacon, grapes, orange, strawberry, chocolate chips, watermelon, cinnamon

Cinna Bonnie Alert!

Today's Breakfast: Workers frantically clean up the beach in the anticipation of Tropical Storm Cinna Bonnie.

Ingredients: Watermelon, blueberries, grapes, cinnamon roll. This was inspired by the amazing work of minimiam.

Hey Hey Hey!

Today's Breakfast: Fat Albert and former IMMS dolphin trainer, Crystal Roberts, lead a pod of angry dolphins to confront evil top B.P. scientists.

Ingredients: Banana, Apple, strawberry, grapes, orange, muffin, blueberries, whipped cream

Corporate Sponsor

Today's Breakfast: In B.P.'s first episode of Don't Fear Factor, Obama wins $750 million in campaign contributions by eating a snowcone made from thousands of dead fish that washed ashore.

Ingredients: Muffin, blueberries, sprinkles, almonds, white chocolate chips

Hashing It Out.

Today's Breakfast: Twi-hards on the Gulf Coast fiercely debate which "Team" is better for the oil spill.
Team Jacob- His fur can soak up the oil and he's MEANT to guard us from disaster.
Team Edward- He's had over a hundred years experience at sucking up things. He can also turn all those workers who are on the beach all night long into better, stronger, faster workers who don't need all the life that has been sucked out of them by B.P.

Ingredients: Fried egg, cheese, black olives, hashbrowns, ham

Oil A Cane A Coming!

Today's Breakfast: Daily Buzz weatherman, Mitch English receives a call from Lion O. Using the Sword of Omens, Lion O has seen an upcoming Oil a cane forming in the Gulf!

Ingredients: Cheese, More cheese, toast, Rice Krispies, chocolate syrup

Death of an Oompah Loompah

Today's Breakfast: Dr. Marble has to treat an undocumented worker, hired by B.P., whose lungs exploded while picking up oil patties.

Double Bacon Rainbow All the Way

Today's Breadfast: Mr Tumnus ponders the meaning of the double rainbow all the way while the sea creatures celebrate their success in plugging the oil leak with the bodies of top BP officials and the politicians who helped them.

Ingredients: pancakes, bananas, blueberries, whipped cream, bacon, chocolate syrup, leftover buffalo wings

Revenge of the Octopus

Today's Breakfast: In an amazing spat of Karma, while cheering the uncapping of the well at a press conference, Gov. Haley Barbour and Tony Hayward were attacked by a mutant octopus.

Ingredients: grits, bacon, sausages, cheese, blueberry, orange, grapes, bananas

Attack of the Sea Turtle Zombies

Today's Breakfast: Armed with only a spatula, Papa D led an army of zombie sea turtles to attack BP headquarters. Go get em Papa D!

Ingredients: Fried egg, toast, biscuit

Dead in a Pineapple Under the Sea

Today's Breakfast: My good friends Fritzi and Charlie the Unicorn are down at the beach celebrating the capping of the oil well when they discover horrible remains of the latest victims. Too late for them. :<(

Oil covered Dolphins

Today's Breakfast. Dedicated to my friend Mims who walks the beach each morning as a volunteer with the Audubon Society.